Connect with others who understand.

sign up log in
Resources
About myHIVteam
Powered By

Member Spotlight: There Is Life With HIV, and I Am Proof

Posted on July 25, 2019

What do I know now that I wish I would have known when I was diagnosed?
That you can have a life living with HIV.


When I was diagnosed in December 2003 I had already given up on life. I wanted to die but was always afraid of suicide. All my life I had been a follower. I always wanted to fit in. I wanted to be loved. My second marriage was on the rocks because I didn't know how to be a husband to a woman. I did however know how to do drugs and sleep with any guy I could. I have always - even to this day - been afraid of needles. But to fit in and be loved (so I hoped), I let a guy shoot me up. I was hooked instantly to him and the needle. Deep down I knew he didn't really love me, but I held on because when I was high and with him I didn't have to think about how much of a mess I had become.

It wasn't long before he dumped me for someone else. I heard a short time later he had stabbed that guy. I remember thinking that could have been me. I was sad that it wasn't. Soon I met another guy, and it was the same thing all over again. He would hit me and then get me high and tell me he was sorry. This went on for four years.

When I decided to get clean, some of it was due to having a friend overdose and die in the house I lived in. I was so numb inside that I wasn't affected by his death. I was more concerned that the police would come and find out I had drugs. Or worse yet, I wouldn't be able to get loaded. I remember thinking, “I wish the coroner would come soon and take him so I can do these drugs.”

When the funeral came, my friend’s mom came up to me and thanked me for trying to revive him through CPR. If she knew the reason why I tried so hard, she most likely would have never approached me. That's when I started to ask myself what kind of person I really was. That was motivation enough to get clean. Up to this point, I always thought I was a good person hanging around bad people. It was then that I realized I was like them. Guilt about my reaction to my friend's death was and has been my reason to stay clean. I know on drugs I am a totally different person.

Towards the end, I started feeling like I was better than all this. I started wondering if I could get clean... but if I could, what would I do? I hadn't had a job in about eight years. I had child support arrears piling up, and I had never tried to get a driver's license in all my life. I put myself in rehab and started to clean up my life in 2008. Today I sleep, eat, work, and work out, and that is a better reason to live than getting loaded.

I have some days where something small gets me in the mindset to say, “the hell with everything and everyone.” I am not sure if that is just a residual effect of all the drugs I used or just a lack of maturity. I have heard that people stop maturing when doing drugs, and whenever you stop you are still most likely the age mentally when you started drugs. When I have days like that I pray. I thank God for pulling me out of that life. I have so much to be thankful for. I just need to remember that on bad days.

Today I am undetectable. I have a good driving record, I’m married, and I’m helping to rebuild my town after the 2018 Camp Fire in California. There is life with HIV. I am proof.

This article was written by myHIVteam member Will as part of the Member Spotlight Series. Will likes to work out, listen to all types of music, and spend time with his wife.

Do you want to be a part of the myHIVteam Member Spotlight Series?
Let us know here: support@myHIVteam.com

Posted on July 25, 2019
All updates must be accompanied by text or a picture.

Related articles

I was diagnosed with HIV in 2007, but I contracted the virus in 2003 from a former partner. Befor...

An HIV Diagnosis — and Journey to Acceptance

I was diagnosed with HIV in 2007, but I contracted the virus in 2003 from a former partner. Befor...
Greetings teammates, I’m Mike!I’m living, in fact thriving, with HIV here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylv...

HIV Member Spotlight: On the Bright Side

Greetings teammates, I’m Mike!I’m living, in fact thriving, with HIV here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylv...
When I think about what HIV means to me, I think “HIV means a new way of life.” Every day I must ...

Member Spotlight: HIV Is a New Way of Life

When I think about what HIV means to me, I think “HIV means a new way of life.” Every day I must ...
What does HIV mean to me? I don't know where to start. This is my first time in 32 years to share...

Member Spotlight: What HIV Means To Me

What does HIV mean to me? I don't know where to start. This is my first time in 32 years to share...
Being raised Catholic and educated in all-boys religious schools, I was conflicted between who I ...

How an AIDS-related Form of Cancer Changed My World Forever

Being raised Catholic and educated in all-boys religious schools, I was conflicted between who I ...

Recent articles

Herpes and HIV are two different sexually transmitted infections (STIs) caused by different virus...

Herpes vs. HIV: What’s the Difference?

Herpes and HIV are two different sexually transmitted infections (STIs) caused by different virus...
When you get tested for a condition like human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), you likely understan...

What Does a Nonreactive HIV Test Mean?

When you get tested for a condition like human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), you likely understan...
If you’re living with HIV, you may wonder about the risks and benefits of using marijuana or cann...

Medical Marijuana and HIV: Can It Help?

If you’re living with HIV, you may wonder about the risks and benefits of using marijuana or cann...
Thanks to the development and widespread use of highly active antiretroviral therapy (ART) since ...

HIV and Aging: 5 Problems To Watch For

Thanks to the development and widespread use of highly active antiretroviral therapy (ART) since ...
Between 30 percent and 80 percent of people living with human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) have ...

8 Tips for Preventing HIV Gum, Teeth, and Oral Problems

Between 30 percent and 80 percent of people living with human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) have ...
Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is a virus that targets the body’s immune cells, making it dif...

How Does HIV Affect the Immune System? 5 Ways To Boost Your Immunity

Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is a virus that targets the body’s immune cells, making it dif...
myHIVteam My HIV Team

Thank you for subscribing!

Become a member to get even more:

sign up for free

close