Mahalo @A myHIVteam Member for your response. My late partner (RIP2018) suffered the effects of many differing HIV meds throughout his lifetime. He did not pass away from the HIV, he was so sick of taking the meds that unbeknownst to me, he stopped taking it for several months while still receiving his medications in the mail. We had separate rooms in our home because we both enjoyed our own space but at the same time, we had loved each other, and my grandchildren and my daughters were a big part of his life since his family had rejected him when he came out to them. He became a big part of my immediate family, even meeting and getting along with my ex-wife. When I came home from work one morning, I found him in his bedroom unconscious. Called 911, and Maui Medical center could not help him, so he was flown to Honolulu for treatment in the air ambulance. My eldest daughter lives on Oahu and was there at the hospital from day 1. It took me a few days to find coverage for my work then I went to HNL where I had to make the hardest decision I have ever had to make and that was to remove him from the life support.
After a couple of weeks, I started packing up his room and going through his things, and that is when I made the discovery of his meds being hoarded and hidden under his bed. Months of HIV meds, unopened and still useable. This put me in a tailspin because he always mentioned how tired and worn out, he was with the HIV meds and the effects it was having on him. He was at the last available options of ART's available to him that was not already tried.
In retrospect, I can relate to where you are coming from David, I feel your pain and cannot imagine what you are going through or had gone through with the cocktails of HIV meds. Like Timmy, on the outside he looked fine but, on the insides, it was a different story. I feel fortunate to not have suffered through the many HIV meds I have taken over the past years since 1995, 10 years after I was diagnosed. Perhaps the first 10 years was my saving grace not yet taking HIV meds that were still in experimental stages like the lethal AZT that, I believe, killed a few of my gay friends who were taking it with no improvement. They just withered away into skeletons it just killed me inside to see them fade away so quickly while I was helpless to do anything. It built my determination up to be strong and be there for my little family that I had just started with my wife back then.
I apologize for chewing your ears off with my story. when I first joined this team, I shared about my late partner, as time went by that part of my life became private and I removed it from my story and instead included more relevant activity that is real time and updated, although he is still in my heart, it is now mine to hold onto our time together.
Take care David and a Happy Holiday to you and yours as well brother. Mele Kalikimaka

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A myHIVte...

When I came out to my sister, just one of them, I thought I would surprise her. Her response was to say " I've known that your friends were, but I was waiting for you to tell me" I never got to tell my mom. I wish I had but I think she knew something. My parents gave me a surprise visit after not seeing them for a while and I was living with Ron. I got a 2 minute warning before they were knocking on the door so I ran and lit incence and did some Listerine. I hugged her when she came in and she asked me if I always drink whiskey in the morning. I dont. Now my Mom is no dummy. She looked around at our decor (1985 One wrecker driver one drag queen) and met Ron. Ron tried being butch. It was funny and I was a nervous wreck. They stayed for coffee and the old man told Ron how many black men he met during the big war.
Anyway if she knew I had a man at least she saw I had a beautiful man! The old man just wanted to know where I worked. Tracy3

Love your story! I too was diagnosed in '85 but haven't been as blessed as you with medications. The many, many medications I've been on these past 38 years have reeked havoc on my inside, bones, etc.. I'm happy for you that you don't suffer like allot of us do from the meds. God bless you & your family &
🌲Happy Holidays🎁

The second part of this question was, How is it for you living with HIV today?
It isn't hard to live with HIV for me these days. For 31 of my 62 years I've lived with it. I was older than some people when I got it and I did quit drinking and started using protection. At any age its a terrible thing to have but I'm glad I wasn't a teen or in my 20s when I got it. I still think Ron Reagan should have done so much more. Like most people I am self preservering. Take my meds on a alarm. Eat the right stuff. Don't stay in bed all day and get out of the house.
For me its no booze. That keeps things closer to stress free. When I started sharing on myhIvteam I started feeling better about myself. Been really counting my blessing. It is something I can do with my thoughts.
Everyday I fight anxiety so when I'm reading or writing it seems I'm fine. I choose to be happy. I choose to live a long useful life.
Tracy3

I go through periods where I keep it to myself, currently I'm visible and advocate but it is the biggest struggle accepting myself. In every part of the process