Enjoying the Holidays While Living With HIV

Living with HIV may change your holidays, but you can still have enjoyable and meaningful celebrations. Although HIV may make some holiday traditions challenging, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy connecting with friends and family during the holiday season. By communicating your limitations due to HIV, being flexible, and adjusting your expectations, you can help make sure the holidays are happy and memorable.

Communicate Your Needs

Let your loved ones know that connecting with them over the holidays is as important as ever to you, but treatment side effects like nausea or conditions you've developed from long-term ART use are making it hard to plan as usual. You need to put your health first or risk worsening your condition.

• Don't be afraid to say no.
• It can help to use direct "I" statements. For instance, "I am not feeling well enough to host this year" is better than "Having everyone over is just too stressful." Communicating in this way makes your needs clear without making others feel accused or burdensome.
• Even if you usually maintain healthy boundaries, the holidays are a time when they may be tested. If a friend or family member tries to make you feel guilty for setting your boundaries, gently remind them that HIV doesn't take the holidays off, as much as you wish it did.

Be Flexible

Instead of saying "no," say "yes" to something else. If a family tradition no longer works for you since you were diagnosed with HIV, it may be time to suggest an update.

• If you can't travel as usual, consider offering to host. Ask others to bring potluck dishes and help clean up so you don't wind up overdoing it.
• If you usually host the gathering but can't do it this year, encourage someone else to host instead. They may be delighted to welcome everyone to their home for a change.
• If you always bring a beloved dish, pass the treasured recipe on to a loved one like you would a family heirloom, or shine the limelight on another chef in the family and invite them to bring their favorite dish.
• If you can't bring yourself to give up the party, think of ways to save time and energy. Use paper plates, plastic flatware, and disposable tablecloths for easy cleanup. Make decorating (or de-decorating) part of the event and get everyone to help. Plan a low-impact meal such as a stew that simmers all day in the crock pot with little prep work or tending.

If it's just not possible to get together in one place this year, consider using a video chat service such as Skype, Zoom, or FaceTime to have a special holiday call on a smartphone or laptop. During a video chat, you can:

• Watch family open gifts
• Have them show you the decorations around the house
• Read a holiday story or poem to the children
• Sing favorite holiday songs together

Adjust Your Expectations

Even without a chronic illness like HIV, holidays often come with high expectations that lead to disappointment and stress. Letting go of the illusion of a "perfect" holiday can help you keep expectations realistic and focus on what's most important about the holidays. For many people, that means connecting with loved ones, being thankful for what you have, and finding hope for the new year.

Here are some mindful tips from Johns Hopkins Medicine for adjusting holiday expectations:

• Accept that your holidays won't be perfect and will be different from celebrations in years past.
• Focus on what really counts. Find things to be grateful for and look for new ways to connect with loved ones.
• If you get into a conflict with someone over the holidays, take a few breaths before you react. Try to stay compassionate and react with kindness.
• As you reflect on last year, be kind to yourself and let go of any negativity. As you look forward to next year, make smaller, gradual resolutions rather than huge goals that will be difficult to achieve.

During the holidays and year-round, the members of myHIVteam are here for each other. Joining myHIVteam means gaining a support group of thousands of others with HIV who understand exactly what you're going through.

Here are some conversations from myHIVteam members about navigating the holiday season with hiv:

• "With holidays coming up.....if you were to wish for anything, what would it be?"
• "I thought this was going to get easier as time goes by but I am missing my husband more and more every day. As his birthday in October and the holidays grows near it is hitting me more."
• "With the holiday season upon us, do you celebrate the holidays? Do they instead, bring forth memories? How do you cope?"

How do you celebrate the holidays with HIV? Share in the comments below or post on myHIVteam.