Connect with others who understand.

sign up log in
About myHIVteam
Real members of myHIVteam have posted questions and answers that support our community guidelines, and should not be taken as medical advice. Looking for the latest medically reviewed content by doctors and experts? Visit our resource section.

Whom Do You Define As Family?

Whom Do You Define As Family?

Is your genetically related family, the family you consider supportive and valuable or have you created a family of your own outside? Or both?...❤️🌄🙏

A myHIVteam Member said:

Unfortunately finding out one has HIV or AIDS can be embarrassing at so many levels. For some it's family, others religion, others society and others...our demons! Which ever category we fall in, it is still devastating. Of course, looking forward to living should be ones goal. Unfortunately, many think that if they are feeling good and doing well health wise, they should slack off. Very big mistake. My brother in law's brother was HIV positive and he moved around, not caring about his health. When he became very ill, he returned home and tried to get his health back. It was a bit too late. He went from one thing to another and finally got full blown AIDS. He got a severe case of pneumonia and had to be hospitalized. He only lasted 2 weeks before passing. My point is that our health is so very important to defeat this virus. True, they have not eradicated it, yet, but being undetectable is the best we can do. Being optimistic and knowing we need to care for ourselves (because no one will do it for us) should be a priority. We need to put our embarrassment aside and think, that we need to live so we can help others who are fighting this virus!! Ok, yes, we don't have to put a big sign over our heads saying, "I'm here if you have HIV". 😁 But if you hear of someone struggling over this, then be there for them and let them know your story and how they can cope with their issues. Ok, I'll stop rambling! 😉

posted about 1 year ago
A myHIVteam Member said:

I made up my mind that only those I want to know about my situation are the only people that should know. One brother (out of 3) knows about my condition. My sisters don't know (one knows I'm gay). My ex partner, my best friend and his now ex partner, my current partner and the people at the clinic know. It is no ones business to know my medical history, unless they plan to help me in some way! 😉 I'm happy with the way things are!!😀

posted about 1 year ago
A myHIVteam Member said:

I've postponed submitting my answer to this question because it hits a nerve. No, my biological family was not very supportive of me, especially once they realized that I was not dying and was still Gay. I'm afraid it has left me somewhat bitter toward them, but I'm always trying to heal that resentment...The best I can do is try not to think of them because they're certainly NOT thinking of me.

When I first learned that I had AIDS, back in 1987, and was about to start taking 1000mg/day of AZT, I was given a 2 year prognosis during which i was advised by my doctors to "get my affairs in order."

I decided to write my parents and three siblings identical letters explaining that I was Gay and had AIDS and would soon begin taking the highly toxic medicine to hopefully hault the spread of the virus. One way or another, I accepted that my death was imminent: either by AZT or AIDS or both.

Much to my surprise, everyone reached out to me and invited me home for a visit. I showed up and the visit went well.

Then, after a few years of not dying, they seemed to focus on my being Gay and my father wrote me declaring that he would not have a Gay son. I was disinherited, but only in theory because no one was helping me financially or emotionally. And that was that...until many years later, when he died.

Upon the reading of his Last Will and Testament I learned that he did not, in fact, disown me and although his was a modest estate, I was treated the same as my siblings. You see, he still considered me as his son.

That meant more to me than any material gift, and it burdens me to this day to think ill of him. I'll never understand why he treated me with such hatred and disdain my entire life. We were like oil and water.

You see, I grew up in the 1950s, in a culture that did not tolerate, much less nurture, Queers. It was simply not allowed. So, I ran away to San Francisco as soon as I completed my formal education. I had to learn how to make my own way, but I still communicated with my dear mother even though I could never share my truth with her.

I've often thought and said that it is a miracle that any Gay person can ever tell the truth because of all of the lies and duplicity that's required to survive.

That may be less the case with the new millenials, but it was the only way for my generation. I hope things are truly better for Gays. Burning family bridges just to be oneself is a tragedy. We each need love and compassion and we have so much to give in return.

I'm sorry this is so long...There was a lot to say. Cheers!

edited, originally posted about 1 year ago
A myHIVteam Member said:

Unfortunately I have to create a family of my own as my siblings don’t care 🤷 about me in there life’s or kids! So I surround my self with friends gay or straight? And I’m blessed with a huge loving 🥰 people that know we can count on each other! Plus all the love ❤️ here is beyond a blessing and a person can ask for!

posted about 1 year ago
A myHIVteam Member said:

I have both, thankfully.

posted about 1 year ago
Already a Member? Log in