Scores. 60? 80? Over the last 25-30 years only a couple, both before 2000. For older people, we’ve experienced TWO pandemics.

Where do I begin? Palluative care training. Seniors and kids. Then BANG! 1983. It never stopped. I took AIDS VCR and Edmonton. The men, women, children, grandparents ... it was great having a giant coffee table book with HIV + People pro photo and following page their story, quote or conversation. It was a very heavy hard time. And we had days we almost peed laughing, a guy had a PA piercing of bell from his stripper days right to the end. Sponge Baths made him very excited! And we had days we wanted to put a pillow over our faces and scream or ugly cry. I lost count. Had a guy in my second bedroom 1983 to 1997. It was not uncommon to have a 3rd in the dining room/bedroom. I think by 2003 I spent a decade thereafter in shock, PTSD 2004 onward I spent time finding joy, truth, happiness and a reason to celebrate living one day at a time. I remember losing ever friend I had ever made 2 x over. And after 2013 I found great online friendships but 8 years now I have become a Happy Homo Hermit! Alone not loneliness. And if lonely ... embracing it.

I had no time for lovers. And no one asked! I peaked at 37? Hotter at 45! And now I see the man in the mirror and demand he pay his half of the rent!

It has been a roller coaster. No regrets! None. I enjoyed having a true calling. Being happy and then realizing I had no savings or pension saved up for retirement.
Ouch! That hurt!
And I am coping.
And I buy lottery tx's.
I am worth winning!

So very many. I stopped counting after 250. All friends, colleagues, acquaintances at support groups and closest friends. All gone , but not forgotten.
Last month, my best friend's partner passed away from HIV complications. He wouldn't take any meds, ended up in long term care with AIDS related dementia and quietly passed on. So, it's still out there and people are still dying ; just not in the huge numbers at the height of the epidemic.
I remember all those passing like it was yesterday, even though it was 20-30 years ago.
The grief is still there, I just no longer dwell on it as I once did, when AIDS was consuming my life.

Thanks for the hugs love you guys awesome team

Also with that fatigue and living alone and things like that sometimes I'll be standing there doing dishes and soda fade in and out and I'm trying to get my doctors to let me know and they I actually had a 40 years have health issues more than HIV but the key is to find somebody who cares and I told them all that do you have my back you're the doctor do you have my back and I told them you know I'm not happy about the fact that I get to come in for 15 to 1/2 an hour slam dunk them with all those health issues that they're supposed to be taken care of I know I'm a lot of baggage but I love myself and deal the best way I can loves hugs and blessings to all everybody here and if you're having a bad day or so on just remember we're all here for each other hugs