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Real members of myHIVteam have posted questions and answers that support our community guidelines, and should not be taken as medical advice. Looking for the latest medically reviewed content by doctors and experts? Visit our resource section.

How do you get over the fear of infecting your partner??

A myHIVteam Member asked a question 💭
Naperville, IL

First time having unprotected sex since my diagnosis. He doesn't seem to be worried, but anytime he says he doesn't feel good I fear I infected him. I am undetectable but I still worry.

May 10
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Reactions
A myHIVteam Member

I used to feel the same way but my sex partners always made me feel comfortable. Especially my ex since I don't really have a sex drive.

May 11
A myHIVteam Member

your HIV feeds off your fears. I would suggest some mental health therapy to get over this fear. even ***IF*** you WAS detectable, besides sex, your partner could sit in a bath tub full of your blood and not get it. the only way he could get it is sexually or if he had an open wound.
Also, your partner could go on prep, and they would be protected from getting HIV, even if you WAS detectable.

May 11
A myHIVteam Member

I'm on cabenuva, stay utd with shots, I have been undetectable since 3 months after diagnosis in 2019. I just fear something will go wrong. I might start my period, spot and then blood comes into play. I know I should let him know my fears probably.

May 10
A myHIVteam Member

take your medication as prescribed and you shouldn't have to fear anything. Undetectable = untransmittable.

May 10
myHIVteam

First of all, it's completely understandable to feel this way — that kind of care for your partner actually says a lot about you. The good news is that being undetectable is genuinely powerful protection.

The science is clear: if you've maintained an undetectable viral load for at least six consecutive months while Show Full Answer

First of all, it's completely understandable to feel this way — that kind of care for your partner actually says a lot about you. The good news is that being undetectable is genuinely powerful protection.

The science is clear: if you've maintained an undetectable viral load for at least six consecutive months while consistently taking your antiretroviral therapy (ART), you cannot transmit HIV through sex. This is known as U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable). That said, fear doesn't always listen to facts — and that's okay. Here are some things that may help ease the worry:

- Keep up with your treatment — staying consistently on ART is what keeps you undetectable
- Get regular viral load checks — seeing those numbers in print can be reassuring for both you and your partner
- Consider couples counseling or therapy — talking through fears with a professional can really help
- Lean on others who get it — many myHIVteam members have been exactly where you are right now

As one myHIVteam member put it: *"I finally realized my fears about HIV were ADDING to my pain. Once I decided to relieve myself of that burden, I could better focus on managing my HIV."* It's also worth having an open conversation with your healthcare provider about your specific situation. They can help reinforce the facts and give you personalized reassurance. You're doing the right things — be kind to yourself. 💙

May 10

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