Talk about a question with a lot of gray areas. For a person I love or even like I will try to please them. I think I have learned to try to please people, but not at the expense of myself, but it is a very large gray area for me, being a bottom with a sub side, it does make me happy to please in bedroom, but only when I truly care about the person.

I think there's a confusion here about being a receptive anal /oral pleasing bottom versus being a gentleman of sorts by putting others first. The 2 roles are quite different.

@A myHIVteam Member I think you can have a relationship of roles without there being a hierarchy. I learned from my first relationship of 11years that I didn't want a relationship where there was a big power imbalance. If one person controls the direction of life, sole ownership of the residence, sex, or control of the finances... it creates an unhealthy imbalance in the life of TWO people. Both parties in any relationship should share power in a way that allows both people to grow and feel empowered. Any relationship where one person is empowered, while the other is progressively DISempowered, is headed for trouble. Bottom in bed does not mean bottom in Life. R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

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A myHIVte...

If the people that love you cannot tolerate the word NO once in a while, it calls into question how equitable is their support of you. Good relationships are give and take by both sides. All give and all take is a relationship badly out of balance.

There are basically no relationship rules. Between consenting adults, if it makes you happy, go for it. Whether it’s about sex, or the basic dynamics between people, the rules that work for me do not limit you. Find what makes you happy.