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Are you subservient to others?
I am asking this question on behalf of my teammate @A myHIVteam Member who posed this question, but the question he submitted was removed while I was trying to answer. What I believe Jeff was asking is
Would you put your own needs aside only to please someone else and to gain their favor? Working towards acceptance
Bending over backwards, to please somebody?
Submit to others to be on their good side?
Martyrdom?
A "Yes" person?
There were variable interpretations of what I believe Jeff was… read more
Answer Summary
Members shared varied perspectives on the question of being subservient, with many drawing a clear line between genuinely caring for loved... Read more
Talk about a question with a lot of gray areas. For a person I love or even like I will try to please them. I think I have learned to try to please people, but not at the expense of myself, but it is a very large gray area for me, being a bottom with a sub side, it does make me happy to please in bedroom, but only when I truly care about the person.
I think there's a confusion here about being a receptive anal /oral pleasing bottom versus being a gentleman of sorts by putting others first. The 2 roles are quite different.
@A myHIVteam Member I think you can have a relationship of roles without there being a hierarchy. I learned from my first relationship of 11years that I didn't want a relationship where there was a big power imbalance. If one person controls the direction of life, sole ownership of the residence, sex, or control of the finances... it creates an unhealthy imbalance in the life of TWO people. Both parties in any relationship should share power in a way that allows both people to grow and feel empowered. Any relationship where one person is empowered, while the other is progressively DISempowered, is headed for trouble. Bottom in bed does not mean bottom in Life. R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
If the people that love you cannot tolerate the word NO once in a while, it calls into question how equitable is their support of you. Good relationships are give and take by both sides. All give and all take is a relationship badly out of balance.
I have a tendency to want to please people by doing things for them that I should let them do for themselves. I am learning to not be a people pleaser. I am learning to say no and not feel guilty. My kids are my soft spot and right now my eldest daughter jumped the bond that I posted for her and is nowhere to be found. I have the bondsman trying to collect from me since I posted the bail. This has taught me a big lesson on helping people. My BF guilts me into doing whatever it is he wants to do. I've been doing better at expressing myself and saying no.
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