I suffer from another disease called Valley Feaver. It’s a form of fungus, and in the part of California I’m at it’s very dangerous on my journey I’ve known three other people who had HIV and Valley Feaver, and all of whom have passed away. It hurts. Some of them weren’t on medication others were doing drugs, whatever they situation they’re gone now and it hurts tremendously. But I will not squander the time that I am given. I’m going to be happy every minute that I get.

Thanks everyone for contributing to the conversation. You all made very valid points and brought different perspectives.
Personally, I was diagnosed in 1984 and lost my husband to AIDS in 1994. We, along with many, many friends fought with all we had to survive. I've been to so many funerals. Recently, my best friend passed after a hard fought battle. It broke my heart to say goodbye to yet another person whom I loved. It has me wondering why I have survived. Thus my current battle with survivors guilt.
I wish you all well and happiness in your lives.
Hugs

I had survivors remorse in 2002 after laying 7 friends / acquaintances to rest .

Then I began wondering what separated them from myself and began assessing the differences in our lives .

I came to the final realization that those person's had either given up or decided that it was " their time to go " and just gave up .

I on the other hand decided that dammit I want to live .

That was when I began seeking information on the disease that was running amuck inside my body .

I started seeing one of if not the best id pvp in the state and she became my best source of information .
Then there was my partner ( later husband ) who also wanted to know the best actions for me to take so he too began educating himself on how to deal with Aids .

That was the beginning of my self education of how best to deal with something with no known cure !

When I was first diagnosed in 95 it was a death sentence or so I thought antiretrovirals we’re just hitting the same dial all these years later I feel grateful that I have survived

Oh hunny can we talk !
After burying 7 of my friends in 2001 I began to wonder why the hell I survived .
As I learned to accept myself and by listening to my late husbands words of " only you can make you a better person " .

Then one day I began to realize the reason I thrived instead of dying .
That reason was because I went after and got the care I needed to not just survive but to thrive .
Now those that had gone before me for some reason decided not to seek care or allowed the disease to run rampant thru their system until it eventually killed them which I think was not just unnecessary but stupid as well because had they chosen to fight back against the disease as I chose to do they might be members of groups / collectives such as this but NO they took the 3asy way .