My spouse n I hav nevr used protection in the 4yrs we've been together n she is still negative bcuz as long as I follow my medication n treatment regimen to the letter. It's a choice she made from the beginning without 2nd guessing herself. We even asked doctors about medication for her to prevent n they said it's not necessary bcuz of the time I hav been undetectable. We had a scare in December in Oklahoma bcuz a doctor screwed up my telemed visit n then refused to giv me my meds and knowing I'm completely unable to get to their office, told me "since u cant move to get here, then ur on ur own". I said wtf, called Ryan White Foundation n was told Oklahoma was the 3rd worst state for patients with diseases, especially hiv. Needless to say we dont live in Oklahoma anymore.

I don't blame anyone for my HIV infection. I knew the risks, and I put myself at risk. The man with whom I became infected was no more in control of that process than I was. Young, foolish, intoxicated.., trying to find our way in gay sex without any decent role models. I had been Out just over a year. I say this because blame seems like a double edged sword with both sides getting wounded. Forgive, and live.

I'm glad we're talking about sex. No my HIV doesn't but the years of promiscuity fueled by chem sex made me so eccentric in my sexual appetite that normal sex seems foreign now. I had to readjust to love versus sex.

Since my partner passed away and Biktarvy came along and that I am undetectable, I don’t worry. I am VERY careful because I hate condoms. Age has crept up on me also and just not as active as I was, say, 30 yrs ago. I am 68 yo. We were together for 10+ yrs and completely monogamous. Now, I find more and more “open” or polyamorous relationships.0

We all make bad choices that can live with our discretions. However, every cloud has a silver lining, and every person is worth living. Life is sacred, and you have much value. The lives we touch in a good way will always lift our spirits up.