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Real members of myHIVteam have posted questions and answers that support our community guidelines, and should not be taken as medical advice. Looking for the latest medically reviewed content by doctors and experts? Visit our resource section.

When Do You Tell Someone Your Status?

A myHIVteam Member asked a question 💭
Davenport, FL

I have so much stigma in my head about how hiv was. I remember in the 90s how horrible it was. I know it’s much more manageable now. Just can’t seem to work past all my old stigmas

May 8, 2023
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Answer Summary

Members discussed the deeply personal decision of when to disclose HIV status, with most emphasizing that disclosure should be a careful,... Read more

Members discussed the deeply personal decision of when to disclose HIV status, with most emphasizing that disclosure should be a careful, individual choice based on trust and safety, though many strongly advocated for being upfront with potential romantic or sexual partners from the start. Several members shared painful experiences of betrayal by family members who broke their confidence, leading them to be very selective about who they tell, while others described putting their status directly on dating profiles to avoid repeated rejection conversations, though this approach met mixed results. A recurring theme was the ongoing challenge of navigating outdated stigma from the 1980s and 1990s while living with modern realities like being undetectable, balancing the need for honesty with self-protection, and educating others about U=U to reduce fear and misunderstanding.

A myHIVteam Member

It's a crap shoot. Myself. I'm wouldn't be telling anyone anything if I don't think they can keep it to themselves. The fear of HIV is still out there. Hell, I have it. (let these meds stop working)Not to be confused with the 80 and 90's stigma that was mixed with how you got it. These days everyone is gay. So that stigma is pretty much gone.

May 9, 2023
A myHIVteam Member

I’m single. So telling a partner is easy. I don’t have one anymore. I’d like one but it seems so impossible right now

May 8, 2023
A myHIVteam Member

If your talking about your partner I would tell them off the get go now whether the want to go any forvthats on them but if your undectable like most people you really shouldn't have too tell them

May 8, 2023
A myHIVteam Member

I’m very open about my status, mainly because, after first being diagnosed, I trusted a family member (who I thought was someone I could trust) just to find out she was telling the rest of the family (many who I didn’t even have any sort of relationship with). I don’t walk down the street shouting my status but when asked and if it truly matters, then I answer honestly.

May 8, 2023
A myHIVteam Member

Ohhh maybe we can talk. Single too.

May 8, 2023

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