I’m looking to exchange some suggestions on the best way to disclose your poz status on Grindr, Growlr and scruff etc. IF that is not your thing please don’t comment negatively. Move along. This is a discussion for those of us that do use such apps
I recently became fully Covid Vaccinated I am looking to slowly introduce other vaccinated sex partners back into my life
Last week I contacted a pre-HIV FWB and had a good experience disclosing my new status and it has encouraged me to open… read more
For me I set up my apps in two different ways:
1) When I'm out of town I put on that I'm POZ and Undetectable.
2) When I'm in town I take that part off but put something about U=U, if you use the term "clean" I'll block you, or at least put I'm into those that are +
Shockingly, both ways I have been getting more chats and if the conversation lasts more than 30 minutes I just say "I need to tell you something". Sometimes they come out and say "I know you're poz, right?" or "what's up?". Both times with the exception of one person they are cool, honestly want to learn more, and we continue to talk.
This is coming from both younger/older guys, some are on PReP, some not, but I think things are getting better (but not perfect).
I have not tried any dating apps since having HIV. But when I was searching google when my ex girlfriend cheated I did look upon a lot of things about the difficulties of dating with hiv. This was in 2017 but I depending on your level of comfort with people knowing. You don't want to start the conversation right off with it. But you also don't want to wait until so much time has gone by that you waste your time or there's. Get a connection going make sure you like them they like you then the two best approaches I read were by a person who was also work in the healthcare profession so he would talk a little about his work and put out feelers like how dating apps are raising std rates what's the persons thoughts on safe sex. Then what about all the advances in hiv medication and drop all the knowledge to them about it and see there response. If they seemed open minded he would be tell them. If not he moved along. Another was when you tell them don't just say I have hiv. Tell them you have hiv I am on medication that makes it undetectable, then in same message explain what undetectable is and that you can't pass it to another. And add in that you really have enjoyed talking to them if they don't mind because everyone else does it before they ghost you if they would at least explain to you why they are not ok with it. He said a lot more responded at least with their honest answer and some where educated and accepted him and kept talking. The biggest one that will make them want to burn your soul is not telling or Telling after the fact.
Also Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't grindr more of a hookup site. I had a tinder account pre-hiv and was surprised at how many girls were Looking for a relationship A co worker of mine who was gay would laugh because he said I had to work to get laid and all he had to do was go to grindr and say hi.(i don't really know much about the app except what I've read)
Maybe try a app that has a men looking for men in a dating site like match.com or harmony not a hookup site. When I finally do start putting myself out there I'm looking for long term someone that will be with me forever not a one night stand. Quality over quantity because it is hard to find someone after disclosing from what I've read. And doing all that just to get laid doesn't make sense to me. If you find someone that accepts you. Your more likely in a place where the majority of people aren't just looking for a one night stand and want something more and will look past it because they are willing to put in the time(Some people get lucky so that doesn't apply to every one.)
Hi @A myHIVteam Member Thank you for the encouraging words and support. I know I can’t be the only person on here coming across these same issues. I just want to be as open and as honest as I can.
@A myHIVteam Member first no one should be slut shaming anyone! Next there is no easy way to tell anyone and some people are just mean and they are hiding things that they do not like about themselves, My advice is you are on the right path and doing the right thing. So you be proud of who you are and if they can not except that it is their problem. 🥰
The first few times when I brought it up it was hard but got easier over time. I also don't tell everyone. Only those that I may like to have a friendship or a hookup. I've had some where they say "I'm cool with that" then 5 minutes later they want to cut the conversation short. I don't hold it against them. I've had some blocks. But a good number that want to know more about it, are OK with my story, and stated can we talk more about it later and we actually do.
It has just got so much better in the last few years. Maybe if I just come out and keep the same profile in/out of town things will get better. We just need to be honest.
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