I asked this question 2 years ago. I thought I would refresh it with all the newer members that we've had in the last 2 years.
@A myHIVteam Member I am so glad that you found us too. It always good to have a lot of us to help support one another when we are having a rough time and we can help those who are newly diagnosed to find the answers they may be looking for and who better to help then those who have been dealing with this diease for many many years. I have never been so thankful to have a group like this one.
Don't want to say what all crossed my mind when I got the news.
@A myHIVteam Member HIV is not a reason to terminate your life. Work on getting to Undetectable then figure out how to start living again. We are hear to support you.
Wow that day was dark for me because I was uneducated about hiv and I sat there and it felt like a wave rushed over me. I left the hospital went to the park and cried then went home and threw away all my dishes and I thought I couldn't kiss my babies/ children again. I even contemplated killing us all by making some hot chocolate laced with something deadly because I figured I would go to hell but they would go to heaven to God because they were innocent souls. I'm so grateful that I had people that reached out to me. Because I was going out of my mind. I've never shared this before so know that I've haven't always been this strong faith based person you see today. Had I shared this my children probably wouldn't have been with me. God has kept me in spite of my foolish thinking. Thank you for letting me share safely. I love you and there's nothing you can do about it 💋🤗🙏
Yes, I had many suicidal thoughts. I continue to struggle with this oppressive diagnosis and think of why must I continue on. I am tired, very tired. But I am trying to allow my survival to mean something beyond just existing. Whenever possible, I spread good vibes and light to illuminate the darkness. I participate in uplifting, helpful displays of support for those around me who need it most. My strength is in my ability to show others that though you may struggle, there is grace and hope in supporting others.