I asked this question 2 years ago. I thought I would refresh it with all the newer members that we've had in the last 2 years.
@A myHIVteam Member I am so glad that you found us too. It always good to have a lot of us to help support one another when we are having a rough time and we can help those who are newly diagnosed to find the answers they may be looking for and who better to help then those who have been dealing with this diease for many many years. I have never been so thankful to have a group like this one.
Yes, I had many suicidal thoughts. I continue to struggle with this oppressive diagnosis and think of why must I continue on. I am tired, very tired. But I am trying to allow my survival to mean something beyond just existing. Whenever possible, I spread good vibes and light to illuminate the darkness. I participate in uplifting, helpful displays of support for those around me who need it most. My strength is in my ability to show others that though you may struggle, there is grace and hope in supporting others.
Suicide was the furthest thing from my mind since the year I was diagnosed (1985) is also the year my first born made her debut. I was mostly in denial but also afraid out of ignorance mostly. My wife, at the time, got tested and was clear of it. The disease was still relatively new back then. Some of my gay friends who were diagnosed in the early 80's contemplated suicide, some also went all-out having unprotected sex in spite of it. I am fortunate to still be alive.
I never let this thing dictate my life. Aloha Gang!
They were there before that, but the thought that it would hurt other people chases the thoughts away but not the bad feelings that bring it.
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