I have suffered long term shame due to abuse I suffered as a child. As a result, my diagnosis is a big source of shame for me. I have good friends and family who have no idea i have been infected for 27 years and probably infected as early as 1986. I'm really struggling and could use some help in this area. I've done some really incredible things in my life and all I feel.is shame instead of pride
You already made that first step acknowledging that you have done some incredible things in your life now you just need to start feeling more positive about those accomplishments. I am so proud of you that you are brave enough to tell us your story and the things that happen to you. Just start looking in the mirror and start telling yourself every day that I am proud of you.
Shame is the worst aspect of abuse. The abuser is gone, but a part of us becomes the abuser. It may have been a parent, a relative, a family friend, a neighbor, or a total stranger. They may now be old, gone or even dead, but the seed they planted has become a mighty, terrifying oak. Shame is a punishment we apply to ourselves with society's full consent. It can only be overcome within ourselves. Like turning around and confronting our pursuers in a nightmare, we have to make a brave stand to confront the part of our psyche that keeps tormenting us. If you feel undue shame, say "I've had enough! No more! I won't keep doing this to myself!" Do things you didn't dare do before like going to a nudist beach.
By the way, it is common to have nightmares if you've suffered abuse. Definitely seek out good friends, a really good counselor and a psychiatrist to keep your progress going and your hormones at appropriate levels. Remember, you did not cause the shame, but only you can overcome it. My love to you always.
I also have dealt with shame for years. As a former, PTSD counselor I found some tools that helped others and as I finally, took me a long time, applied them to myself I have made good progress in gaining strength inside myself and am more able to catch myself, recognize triggers and change my thoughts to be more positive and less affected by my life long shame, gay, christian, and with HIV. I am sharing a website that goes all the way back to Carl Jung an early therapist. This has to be adapted to each person individually but the basics are good start from.
I completely relate i dont feel secure enough to share with most of my family and close friends
I use to feel like that but it changed. I changed my thought patterns, today I love me, I smile every day. The less stress I have thr lower my blood pressure is, I can eat and be able to function. I know I am here for a reason. To hel0 myself and someone else that maybe can't handle being positive. It is a blessing for me to be living. I appreciate and love life.