It's bn many years since I was diagnosed and I can't forgive the person who gave me this in matter of fact I hate him, but I can't put all the blame in him I should hv made sure he wore that condom. It's bn hard for me to try to fall in love again. I push people away when I feel we r getting too close because most people think just because u r Hiv+ they think u hv AIDS. When I think about the happiness I get depressed again cause I hv to tell them that I'm Hiv+ and then I will end up sad and… read more
I never blamed the guy who infected me. i had sex willingly and chose not to use a condom.... well we didnt have one and i really didnt care. it was the first guy i was with ( i can pick em) we had so much sex i was so happy .. we were inseparable and i lived with him immediately then i got so sick fevers night sweats extreme weight loss.. i went the the dr and they said i must have a virus. so i continued to live with him and i got sicker one month later i looked in the mirror and saw how skinny i was..and i felt so light. i took a shower and went home. i guess I started getting better after the initial infection.. went to the quick care a few times they didnt know what was wrong with me. a few mos later my partner donated blood and they told him he might be hiv poz. so i got tested... found out i was poz.. long story short...spent 25 yrs with this guy.
The person who is responsible for me being HIV positive is me. I could have a abstained, used protection, or been on PREP. We have all seen information on HIV. It's broadcast around the world. So I forgive myself for assuming I could not get it. We all know that everytime we engage in risky behavior, we have to assume all the participants are HIV positive.
As for forgiving others, my religion says that in order to go to the promised land I have to forgive everyone w/o exception or risk eternal damnation.
Forgiving is about giving yourself permission to not be angry with someone anymore. I am now not just HIV Positive, I'm actually living a positive lifestyle...
Some touching real life experiences.....spent my entire life avoiding this then all it took was one night n a burst condom somewhere in Indiana n we casually n agreed that we were safe to continue.... that was two years ago....n a one night affair.. never been ill or anything n hooked up with another girl on a serious note n dated for 7 months, had protected sex once m we decided that it would be better to screen ourselves just Incase one day we run out of rubber... that’s how o found out that I was infected....
@A myHIVteam Member you're right .he does owe you an apology. You deserve an apology but you probably won't get one. If he doesnt, he'll answer on judgement day.
@A myHIVteam Member my situation I was exposed to this sickness by my uncle who had with a few of his friends brutally raped me from the age of 9 and it didn't stop til I was 17. When I was 14 he took to me to one of his friends house where I was handcuffed naked to a bed drugged and was raped by teenagers and grown men from 8 am til 3 pm. I was also exposed to it by an ex boyfriend who I had dated since I was 18 we broke up our freshman year a in college. I found out my status when I was 20 yrs old. Also found out he was gay. My uncle died from AIDS but before he did he apologized. It was like a cloud was lifted from me and the sunshine broke thru. And I forgave him. I had to because the hate was making me be a cruel person and I didn't want to live like that anymore. So to finally answer the question hate will only you feel worse than you already are. It may take a while but forgive. It'll make you a better person. I'm SO sorry that this is so long of a post.
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