To think in that manner is not wrong, and at the same time that must not be the focus. I think about me growing old, while watching my grand kids growing up. Do I have gk's? No, however I am looking forward to seeing them. Do I have days of isolation, when I don't want to be around others, most definitely. People that hang around me seem to believe that I'm altogether, and that's the farthest thing from the truth; it is Jesus that keeps me together. I'm not able to process this thing called life and I refuse to. Being poz has done this one thing for me, it makes me reach out to others and take them by the hand and say, come on you can do this! The other thing I don't do is share because not all can be trusted. Pick your battles, and let God handle the rest🙂.

Turn to us and let this community help find you resources. Giving up I'd just not an option!!!

I have been going to a therapist but it really hasn't done much for me as I relive it each night in my dreams when I remember them. I mostly knock myself out on Trazidone to sleep and get a good nights rest but that always bring on a very sluggish feeling the nest morning so I find myself staying awake all night and get naps through the mornings and daytime. One thing I know is completely true is back then we did not have social media and stuff much more than BBS's and AOL in it's early beginnings. But we formed groups and support network that were face to face where you could met people and rather than a virtual hug (laugh) you got a good damn real one. If you were sick you could call on someone to come be with you. I find that it's all gone to the way side of apps, iPhone and being alone with your computer chatting with someone many miles away that really can do nothing but give some chatter back that makes you feel good for the moment and then the following day reality slaps you in the face again. Sound depressing but only honest.

As of yesterday, my diagnosis is now 30 years. Your story brings back so many memories. It all comes back....

I find what your saying very true for people such as myself a Long Term Survivor. I have been POZ for 25 years as of last Nov. 20th, 2016. and I have met the same adversity from HIV- and newly infected HIV+ people. When people put "Bug Free" and other belittling terms for being HIV- in their Profiles it is very hurtful but also when the newly infected and diagnosed and generally in the Gay community at large I find that Long Term Survivors that lived through the HELL of the major part of the HIV DIE OFF, we some how now are finding ourselves left out. All the work we did to fight for our and others lives and for future generations that would be dealing with this as we also at the same time took care of the sick and dying and lovers passing we feel that the needs we have now which are in most part greater than the newly diagnosed and with there being fewer and fewer of us as we are maturing into our 50's and up are feeling as though there is no one speaking up for us. I remember back when I was having to go to a funeral a few times a week for someone we lost to AIDS and I remember the many of us that took in people that where kick out on the streets that had no where else to go and taking them in and giving them care as hospice stepped in towards the end but my partner and I took in many people when we lived in Wisconsin until he died of an AIDS related illness and now that I am in need of help we seem to be looked over by most service agencies and younger people we thought would take up the Torch and run with it as we had done. Not to be a downer but it seems like the farther we get from the start of the crisis the more the mood grows to all for one and one for me mind set and the outreach to people in need seems to be lacking in this new generation. Not that I am saying everyone is like that is just seems more and more wide spread than ever now and continuing on that trajectory.