First off it should be recognized that I'm a weirdo. I'm also quite empathic. That said, I know I have loved ones around me & I think what they'd have to go through if I "left". The pain of having to come to terms with it, continuing on ETC. My heart goes out to them & I think to myself that I couldn't do that to them. Silly huh? Maybe, but it's about finding what works for us & not having to do what everyone else does. By all means if you're sick see a Dr., antidepressants work. I've been through my share of bottles of the stuff. I'm just hoping they'll come out with one that's Skittles flavored.
I also have this crazy notion that as strange as I am I make a pretty unique footprint on those around me with my personality. My pedicurist loves me. :) If I wasn't supposed to still be here making my footprint, I wouldn't be here. In my day I've traveled & came across many wild & dangerous creatures. (Not just the trouser snake mind you.) I've been in situations where I could have been easily extinguished by wildlife. Yet still the biggest monster isn't on 4 legs, doesn't slither or swim & isn't my HIV.
We all have our own unique monster footprint we leave on those around us, those we love & are close to. Life is short enough. There's no reason to turn out that light before it's ripped from our clenched fist. Not everything is easy, not everything is hard. Anything worth keeping is hard to keep ahold of.
I think it’s that you don’t think it’s ever going to pass, ever get any better. Yes, it usually does but it’s getting through to the other side. I so sympathise with anyone who feels like this, it’s a horrible place to be. The virus does compound it, be it through shame/stigma, lack of support, or indeed the meds, I hope everyone begins to feel better and good in themselves. And, for you Americans, you do have the extra burden of Trump 😉.
Just remember somebody care about you to be in a relationship with you regardless of your status. Basically at least you are loved.
I don't know what make people think about suicide. Just think the someone. Love you!
Thank you! And your back?!?